I sat with my anger long enough, until she told me her real name was Grief
Most of us carry some kind of pain, or experience some kind of suffering in our lives. I want anyone who has dealt with hurt, pain, or suffering of any kind to know,
I see you too.
I have a feeling that one of the reasons it may be difficult to deal with some of what’s happening in this country, is that (maybe unconsciously) it may remind each of us of our own unexpressed or maybe even expressed pain.
I was reminded of this the other day, when an old friend cried out in anger publicly expressing her own struggle with pain. It was the first time many of us were made aware of the depth of that pain due to abuse, loss, and betrayal. She sees the pain of black people, yet struggles with seeing so many act on that pain in destructive ways. She doesn’t do that. A lot of people don’t do that (at least in ways that are clearly visible to others). There were a few things she expressed that I didn’t agree with, but I made the choice to look past her opinions, and focus on what really mattered.
She was in pain.
Did you know that anger is one of the five stages of grief?
I was heartbroken for her. In fact, I cried because I never knew how deep her wounds were.
“Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep.” -Romans 12:15
Although we all have pain, each source is unique. Some of us have experienced loss of a loved one, or many loved ones. Some carry scars of abuse. Some have been deeply betrayed. Some have never received love the way God intended. Some even bear the burden of guilt and shame.
It all hurts.
I want you to know, I am sorry for your pain. I also want to point out that if you have experienced some type of pain, you have the capacity to recognize and empathize with the pain of others.
What’s unique about people of color, people who look like me, is that we share our pain collectively. Collectively we carry the pain and humiliation of being treated as less than for over 400 years. We carry the pain of knowing that we were not even born with a choice to avoid it. Our skin gives us away every time. The degree does vary based on personal experiences, and yes, although things are better than before, they are still not as they should be.
Please know that acknowledging another person’s pain does not take away from your own. Acknowledging the pain of black people not minimize your own.
I hope that you have not been made to feel that your pain and struggle doesn’t matter, because it does, and I pray that you are able to get the love and support you need to help you through it.
1 Corinthians 1:25-26 says, “This makes for harmony among the members, so that all the members care for each other. If one part suffers, all the parts suffer with it, and if one part is honored, all the parts are glad.” (Read all of chapter 12 for more explanation of how important each of us is.)
Right now a whole body of people are hurting, and it’s going to require a whole body of people to help heal those wounds.
And let me address one more thing. Not one of us alive today, was around 400 years ago, so there is no need to carry guilt or apologize for something you didn’t do. It is however appropriate to feel sorry for the pain someone is experiencing today, that can be traced that far back, even if you did not cause it, even if you don’t understand it.
It is appropriate for each of us to listen to each other’s stories, and to “feel” each other’s pain.
Your pain may be different than mine, but I want to hear your story. It matters. I want to help carry your burdens (Galations 6:2) because that’s who our Creator called me (us) to be.
Look past the things you can see with your eyes, and look into the heart of the matter where you may find love and compassion for your fellow human.
Thank you for being here today. If would love to hear from you, and I invite you to be a part of this conversation. Please comment below. If there is anything I have shared that you believe others can benefit from, please share with as many people as you can. I love making this journey with you.
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