GUILTY

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Guilty.

 

The word evokes different types of emotion depending on what side of it one is on. “When justice is done, it is a joy to the righteous but terror to evildoers.” -Proverbs 21:15


Yesterday evening I found myself still at work, talking to some kids and a co-worker friend. After a while, we realized it was time for “the” verdict, so my friend found a news channel on her phone. We sat there with tears in our eyes, frazzled nerves, and hope in our hearts.


Before they even began to speak, a tear found its way down my cheek. Either way, I knew it was going to be emotional for me. . . For us. Neither one of us could watch, so we just listened to the sound of the words that seemed to echo from her phone. 


Derek Chauvin was found guilty on all counts. 


We didn’t celebrate. We didn’t cheer. We were mostly silent except for the breath of relief that escaped from what seemed like the depths of our souls. We were quiet except for sniffles and stifled sobs coming from each of us. I looked up at the young black girl who was still there waiting to find out if she had made the cheer team. She was staring at us with wide eyes. She didn’t know what to make of the scene in front of her. 


I tried to explain through the tears. 


“It’s just that...“ 


“At our ages, we’ve just never seen....” 


“Finally...” 


“It’s happened so many times and...“ 


“It’s going to be better for you.”


I had a difficult time getting complete sentences out of my mouth. I was just overcome by emotion.


It seemed like a no-brainer, right? The whole world saw George Floyd murdered by a bad man. Of course he would be found guilty. . .  wouldn’t he? I’m not sure how you felt, but most people of color were holding our collective breath. We have seen many cases where guilt seemed obvious, but one after another we watched guilty men go free with no consequences, while the families of the dead found themselves drowning in sorrow. They have had to live their lives with the pain of knowing their loved one’s life didn’t matter enough for someone to give them an ounce of justice.


Yesterday’s verdict was not a cause to celebrate, but a time to reflect, and a call to action. We are one step closer, but we are not quite there. Yesterday’s verdict made me feel like “they” have finally discovered value in our lives. Well, in at least one of them. Yesterday’s verdict made me feel seen. 


Those feelings may seem strange to some, but they are very real for many people of color.


My hope and prayer is that through the many struggles we are facing as a country, we might remember… we are A COUNTRY. We are in this together, so let’s do this together. 


Yesterday I shared words from Corregan Brown, and I want to share them again, because I feel they capture what so many of us are feeling.


“One drop of justice fell today.

It will not quench the dehydration of centuries.

But sometimes I look up, and it looks like rain.

I will not complain.”






“He has shown you, O mortal, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.” ‭‭Micah‬ ‭6:8‬ 

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