Her Name Was Grief

I’d like to share some thoughts again that I shared one year ago. As we continue living through a time of uncertainty, pain, confusion, and fear, we are all responding differently.

 
Most of us carry some kind of pain, or experience some kind of suffering in our lives. It may be that one of the reasons it may be difficult to deal with some of what’s happening in this country. Observing the pain and anger of others, (maybe unconsciously) may remind each of us of our own unexpressed or even expressed pain.

Last year, an old friend cried out in anger, publicly expressing her pain. It was the first time many of us were made aware of the depth of that pain due to abuse, loss, and betrayal. She could see the pain of black people, yet struggled with seeing so many act on that pain in destructive ways. She doesn’t do that. There were a few things she expressed that I didn’t agree with, but I made the choice to look past her opinions, and focus on what really mattered.

She was angry. She was in pain.

Anger is one of the five stages of grief.

I was heartbroken for her. In fact, I cried because I never knew how deep her wounds were.

“Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep.” -Romans 12:15
Although we all have pain, each source is unique. Some of us have experienced the loss of loved ones. Some carry scars of abuse. Some have been deeply betrayed. Some have never received love the way God intended. Some bear the burden of guilt and shame.

It all hurts.

I want you to know, I am sorry for your pain. I also want to point out that if you have experienced some type of pain, you have the capacity to recognize and empathize with the pain of others.

Acknowledging another person’s pain does not take away from your own. Acknowledging the pain of people with different experiences than you does not minimize your own.

I hope that you have not been made to feel that your pain and struggle doesn’t matter, because it does, and I pray that you are able to get the love and support you need to help you through it.

1 Corinthians 1:25-26 says, “This makes for harmony among the members so that all the members care for each other. If one part suffers, all the parts suffer with it, and if one part is honored, all the parts are glad.” (Read all of chapter 12 for more explanation of how important each of us is.)

Right now there are whole bodies of people who are hurting, and it’s going to require whole bodies of people to help heal those wounds.

It is appropriate to feel sorry for the pain someone is experiencing today, even if you did not cause it, even if you don’t understand it.

It is appropriate for each of us to listen to each other’s stories, and to “feel” each other’s pain.

It is appropriate to say, “I am sorry you are in pain.”

Your pain may be different than mine, but it matters. I want to help carry your burdens (Galations 6:2) because that’s who our Creator called us to be.