Confessions of a Weary Mother

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ANOTHER REFLECTION FROM ABOUT ONE YEAR AFTER ISAIAH’S BRAIN SURGERY. 


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I am weary.


Many of you understand. You are weary too. You may not have a child with a brain injury, but you have a child with something else- or maybe it’s your spouse, parent, or friend.


I know it’s my job as a mother, but can I get a raise? Vacation time? Sick leave?


I am weary.


Many things make me feel that way. Mostly, I haven’t learned how to juggle everything inside my “new normal.” If I’m really honest with myself, I haven’t fully accepted or embraced this new life. I guess the fact that I had to catch my breath while watching Isaiah put on his shoes with one hand the other day was a clue.


My son only has “one hand.”


He seems to have adjusted pretty well, but yesterday I felt sad as I watched him. Does he grieve his loss more than he lets on? Should we talk about it more? As time goes on, the knowledge that he cannot, and may never be able to do some things we planned, just sinks in deeper. I know it will be okay. I know God has big plans for Isaiah that could not be carried out if he was “whole.”


I thought of the Japanese art of Kintsugi. When pottery is broken or cracked, instead of disguising the breakage, Kintsugi restores the broken item incorporating the damage into the aesthetic of the restored item, making it part of the object’s history.


Kintsugi uses lacquer resin mixed with powdered gold, silver, platinum, copper, or bronze, resulting in something more beautiful than the original.


God will do that for us if allow Him. Though we may be broken, he can restore us into something more beautiful than we were before. That beauty becomes part of our history.


Isaiah is closer to his Creator than he ever was before, and I believe his loss has gained him a special seat at the feet of Jesus. Though there are times I grieve, I consider it a great joy to be stretched and drawn closer to God.


We can always find rest in HIM.


“But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint.” Isaiah 40:31


The JOY of the Lord is my strength. (Nehemiah 8:10)


It can be yours too.

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