Christina Speaks

  I have something to confess. As I was sitting in church yesterday morning, I looked around to see who was there. My eyes stopped on someone who I then proceeded to judge. It wasn’t the first time. I immediately caught myself and asked God to forgive me. I asked Him to help me love and see them the way He does, and without judgment. I don’t know their heart. I don’t know their past. I don’t know their struggles. I can’t assume they think or believe the way their spouse does. It doesn’t matter. It’s not my business, and if I really, truly cared, I would ask to spend time with them. Learn more about them. Develop a relationship with them.  But I’ve wasted thought time and energy, judging them. Why does what they think or believe bother me so much? What does their walk with God have to do with me? Nothing. Why am I wasting energy on what I think their thoughts might be? I’ve been on the receiving end of some undesirable comments from them, but still, I don’t have the whole story...

Yesterday marked the first anniversary of George Floyd’s death. I’ve shared before, that the weeks following his death, were some of the most emotionally exhausting days of my life. I was tired in a way I had never experienced before. It felt as if the fight, pain, hard work, and grief of my ancestors were all channeled into my soul at once. I know others felt the same. However, I didn’t have to fight. I didn’t have to sweat. I didn’t have to die. I felt sadness and gratitude at the same time. Sadness because another black man died at the hands of someone who should have protected him. Gratitude because I believed that his death would open the eyes of many hearts. And it did. For the first time, friends were calling, texting, and messaging, asking me how I felt- how Mr. Floyd’s death affected me. They wanted to know about my experience as a black woman. They expressed sorrow for never noticing the pain or discomfort behind my eyes. I, of course, was quick to forgive because. . . I had ...

  I’ve been missing you. I’ve been locked away for hours upon hours trying to finish editing my book, and I’ve been experiencing all kinds of feelings over the last few weeks. In the last couple of weeks, I have been overwhelmed by the need for prayer. I believe in prayer. I believe it makes a difference. What tends to help me when I feel I am in need of prayer is 1.) to ask for it and 2.) prayer for others.  There is something about praying for others that lifts my own burdens. So that’s what I want to do today. I have been so sad over things people I love are going through. I have a dear friend who is in the fight of her life against cancer. Another dear friend was diagnosed with early-onset Alzheimers. Others are struggling with mental illness. Will you please pray for them along with me? Also, please pray that I can finish my editing process by the end of this month. I have been discouraged by how long it is taking me. Please pray that God gives me all the words He wants m...

For four days last week, I was blessed to spend some time in the gorgeous state of Washington. Each day I found myself in awe as I looked out the back door of the house friends and I stayed in, and gazed (I really, truly GAZED) upon the mighty Mount Rainier.  I grew up in California, so mountains are not new to me, but I had never seen a mountain so beautiful and majestic. I was almost in tears every time I laid my eyes on it. The God who made that mountain made me and you I couldn’t help but think that God gave us that mountain as a gift. Yeah, I know mountains serve a purpose as an important part of the ecosystem, but He didn’t have to make them that beautiful. He did that part for us. While I was there, I took dozens of pictures, trying to capture what I was seeing with my eyes, but no picture could equal my vision. You will just have to believe me when I tell you, it was ten times better than what you see in my picture. The same goes for the way God sees us. We will never be ab...

More than one of you needs to know this today.  Maybe you’ve reached that breaking point. Maybe you have been broken for a while. Maybe you can’t seem to hear God’s voice anymore. Your circumstances may have changed, but your God hasn’t. Your Creator has not changed His mind about you. He loves you. He wants you. He has big plans for you. There are days when I am tired, feeling burnt out, and feeling like maybe I was wrong about what I felt God was calling me to do. There are days when I think I’m not good enough, or smart enough, or spiritual enough, or just plain not enough. Those are the days I must choose to focus on God’s voice guiding me through all of those doubts and fears. Satan is the best and most creative liar and he will do everything in his power to keep us from fulfilling our purpose. We must make up our minds not to fall into his trap of despair. Over the last year, it has been easier than ever to get caught up in his lies. Keep moving forward. Keep the faith. Keep ...

Hurt people often hurt people. Yesterday I had a friend bravely share some difficult things with me. She has been told she should feel shame for being born white. She and her husband have been mistreated in places across the country, and even spit on. She and some friends feel it’s becoming dangerous for white people in this country, and she wanted to share a different perspective.  I find it incredibly disheartening to know there are people who have been treated poorly, who then feel justified in treating others the same way.  That is not okay, does not solve anything, and it’s embarrassing.  For many centuries, a group of people as a whole has been disregarded, oppressed, and abused. That’s not to say no one else has suffered. I am not disregarding anyone else’s pain. Today I am writing about a large group of people I belong to. And yes, I know there are prominent, prosperous Black people in our country who have done well. I won’t go into a whole explanation of the road...

Yesterday I shared a quote from Brene’ Brown. She said, “In order to empathize with someone’s experience, you must be willing to believe them as they see it and not how you imagine their experience to be.” It may be one of the most profound thoughts I’ve heard in a while. As a woman of color, empathy is something I desire deeply. I read many comments and listen to many opinions on the black experience from people who have never had said experience. What I and many others desire, is for people to believe us. Believe our personal experience and the feelings that go along with that. No one can fully comprehend what it is like to be in another’s shoes. I think of men who make decisions for women based on their understanding of what it’s like to be a woman. I consider people who have never experienced sexual assault chime in on how someone who has been raped should feel or act. I ponder the many words of hurtful “consolation” given to women unable to bear children by those who have given bi...