Christina Speaks

My heart is heavy and I want to open it to you. I don’t write much about this issue because I’ve always felt like my words as a woman of color didn’t carry as much weight with a predominately white audience. I figured the general consensus would be “Of course she thinks there’s a problem, she’s black.” I never wanted to come off as militant or over-sensitive. So I’ve remained silent. This is a common problem among many people with skin like mine. So words cannot adequately express my gratitude for my white brothers and sisters who are hurt, moved, angry enough to not just recognize, but speak up and out against the blatant racism that plagues our country. I want to go numb. I don’t want to feel any of this. Generally, when I see the stories pop up on various feeds, I feel that twinge of pain so...I move on. I’ve got to guard my heart. Right? Well, no more. It’s time to speak. I’m not going to voice my anger. I won’t scream about my outrage. I will just tell you that it hurts. I’m in ph

So I’ve been trying to figure out (as I’m sure many of us are) what the heck is going on? I think we’ve all lost our minds! Okay, maybe not all of us, but there’s more than a handful of crazy going around.  I think I found part of the problem during my reading of yes, you know I bring it up every week… Get Out of Your Head by Jennie Allen.  We are struggling with cynicism. I didn’t think I had any kind of cynicism in me until I looked at the definition of a cynic: a person who believes that people are motivated purely by self-interest rather than acting for honorable or unselfish reasons.  I must admit, I have dealt with this quite a bit lately. Here are some things I learned from Jennie Allen... Cynicism erodes our ability to see God rightly. It interprets the world and God based on past hurts we have experienced and forces us to look horizontally at people rather than vertically to God.  Okay. Yeah, I do that sometimes. Just yesterday, after watching some very disturbing videos of pe

If you have been with me for a while here, you know that I usually like to focus on God’s love for each of us and do my best to stay away from controversial issues. That hasn’t changed, but what I have to share today might be bothersome to some of you. I have stopped myself from commenting an innumerable amount of times on the thoughts of others I find to be hurtful. I confess, I’m not always innocent. Just the other day I called Americans spoiled brats. What I meant by that was we (thankfully) have so much freedom in this country that we often forget the difference between our rights and what’s right. We each have the right to say whatever we want...but should we? Understand there is a difference between sharing your beliefs and personally attacking someone with them. If you are unable to share your thoughts and opinions without the element of shaming or attacking, then I believe it’s important to stay quiet. In the illustrious words of the rapper, Ice Cube, “Check yourself before you

It happened again. I learned some stuff. It was during book club (Get Out of Your Head by Jennie Allen). While we were talking, I realized there is still an issue I struggle with. I continue to tell you all not to believe the lies the evil one is feeding you, but it has become a problem for me. My friend Beth explained it so well when she compared it to a person with anorexia. No matter what they are told, they continue to see something other than the truth when they look in the mirror. They have a dysmorphic view of their bodies. It takes ongoing therapy to change their distorted beliefs and thoughts about themselves.  The same is true concerning the lies I believe about myself. Lately, it doesn’t matter what positive words I am given, I struggle to believe them.  “They are just saying that because they love me.”  “They don’t want to hurt my feelings.” “They are just a really encouraging and positive person.” “They probably need something from me.” Her

The other day, after working in the yard I came in to wash my super dirty hands. I noticed how dirty the suds were as I rubbed my hands together increasing the brown lather with every swipe.  Obviously I would have to wash my hands more than once to get them clean. I rinsed the dirty suds, then pumped the hand soap for another try at cleanliness.  Again I lathered my hands up, which were closer to clean the second time around, but still showed signs of dirt. One more round should do it. The third time was the charm As I lathered up, I felt satisfied with the snow-white suds that finally appeared. I rinsed them off, then noticed I still had dirt under my nails. Good grief! What a process just to get my hands clean. I was slightly irritated by how long it was taking to be clean again. It’s exactly how I feel when there is something in my life I need to clean up or change. . .  A sin or a bad habit I seem to get a handle on, then realize at some point, it’s still a struggle. Even when I f

Yesterday, I wrote about the psychological paralysis I have been experiencing during the stay at home order, then talked about it during my new book club in which we are discussing Jennie Allen’s book “Get Out of Your Head.” I was relieved to find that I was not alone in the anxiety, causing paralysis. My guess is that many of you are feeling the same. Then, later that night, as if dropped down from the heavens, I came upon a book in my library, with a chapter titled “Freedom From Paralyzing Fears.” One of the questions that it asked was “To what degree is fear holding you back from taking the risks to learn. . . to try. . . to do. . . to speak up. . . to step out. . . to move forward? My answer was obviously “To the degree of paralysis,” and here is my short list of fears: . Fear of being laughed at. Fear of being misunderstood. Fear of doing it wrong. Fear of letting someone down. Fear that I am not good enough. Can you identify with any of those fears? Sheila Walsh said this about f

There is something that hasn’t been right lately. During the first few weeks of the stay at home order, I felt such peace. I enjoyed the downtime, and didn’t mind only seeing members of my own family each day.  Today, I am aware of the fact that there is a void, an emptiness I’ve been feeling. I’ve actually felt somewhat paralyzed. That psychological paralysis has me in a place where I have very little motivation to read the Bible, and I often even forget to talk to God. It’s a strange place to be.  Though I don’t always feel like it, I need people. I need hugs. I need to sit and have coffee with my girlfriends. Relationships are where we often find God. He created us to desire an intimate relationship with Him, and we often find it through His people. We need each other. I feel like the isolation many of us have experienced lately is part of the evil one’s plan, so we must combat it by strengthening o ur relationship with our Creator. There are all kinds of issues pulling us in every

"Being positive isn't pretending that everything is good — it's seeing the good in everything."   I’ve learned many lessons from my son, about having a positive outlook on life. Here are a few examples from Isaiah of how we can look at our circumstances through a different kind of lens.   Life : I’m going to cause an explosion in your brain, wreak havoc, then leave you with a giant scar on your head. Isaiah : Thanks for the reminder that God still has plans for me. Life : I'm taking away the use of your right arm. Isaiah : At least I can use one!   Life : You can't see from the right side. Isaiah : I guess I'll just have to turn my head around and look harder.   Life : I'm going to make everything much more difficult. Isaiah : Thank God I'm alive and have the opportunity to work hard.   Life : You can’t walk like everyone else. Isaiah : Well then I’ll dance!     It's up to you to decide which lens you will loo