Christina Speaks

The other day, I was preparing for my oldest two kids to come home from college, and I decided to tackle clearing out and reorganizing my son Isaiah’s room.  I started with his bookshelf full of trophies, plaques, awards, and signed footballs. Memorials to a life he once lived, but can never go back to. As I lowered those items into a bin, I was surprised by the sudden wave of grief I felt. We had dreams he began to live out, but were cut short at the very young age of thirteen. We had dreams for a life I was now packing away. However, they have been replaced by new ones birthed in our hearts by the grace of God. I believe what the Lord has planned for my son, for me, and for my family is greater than anything I could have ever dreamed up myself. “Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think.” -Ephesians‬ ‭3:20‬ ‭ Lord help me accept that your plans for me are greater than my shattered ...

I heard a song one day, called God Will Turn It Around. As I listened to the lyrics, I realized that I, along with many of you, believe that He can, but don’t really believe He will. We ask Him because we know we’re supposed to, but will then take a position of suffering, preparing for the worst. It’s a defense mechanism. If you’re like me, you don’t like to be disappointed. So we protect ourselves from it. But if we could practice trusting Him and living out of a place of victory, we would find so much more peace and joy in this life. I will often try and take on what I consider to be smaller issues, by myself. I don’t want to  “bother” God with them. I know I can’t lift boulders, but I can carry pebbles. The problem is that if I collect too many of those pebbles, they become just as heavy as boulders. If I would just trust the Lord with every little thing, I could live free. If I wholeheartedly believed He is who He says He is, I would hand it all over to Him. “Then Jesus said, “...

  Many of us are holding on to shame concerning our relationships. Maybe it’s shame over a marriage that ended. Maybe it’s shame over a son or daughter who chose a different path than the one planned for them. Maybe it’s a friendship that took a wrong turn. Shame is not something the Lord ever intended for us to carry. I believe, as humans, we often try to control the narrative of a situation. We think maybe if we say or do just the right thing, it will all turn around. As if we hold some kind of supernatural power of persuasion over the universe and the people in it. If things don’t go the way we think they should, we take on the weight of perceived failure. How much do you trust God? Do you trust Him enough to let go of what you hoped would be, and allow Him to turn it around or end it for your good and His glory? I know. It’s not easy, but when we are truly able to trust the Lord with every part of us, we’ll be free to see what He has waiting for us on the other side. When we le...

  This is not how it’s supposed to be. Though He has allowed it through the practice of free will, This is not what the Lord intended for His people. Death and violence have become commonplace and expected. Hopelessness and fear abound throughout our country. Yesterday, many parents struggled to put their kids on a bus, or drop them off at school. Others will never take their kids back again. The evil one specializes in fear.  He knows how to infiltrate our hearts and minds through the words and actions of others. His influence is strong. Because it is so easy for any of us to fall prey to his purpose (1 Peter 5:8), it’s important to stay armored up. Instead of working ourselves up into a frenzy of fear by focusing on all the horrific details, let's set our eyes on the God of peace. “Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think ab...

Oh friends. . .  Are you feeling the heaviness of this world? I don’t really know what the right thing is to say today. I can’t believe it happened again. More death at the hands of an 18-yr-old kid.  I want to encourage you, but within that, as my sister-friend expressed to me last night, we need to take time to grieve. It’s okay to grieve. It’s important to grieve the loss of life.  However, we cannot allow ourselves to succumb to the darkness and hopelessness of that which we grieve. It’s easy to feel despair during these times. I have to remind myself that none of this is brand new. These are issues Ecclesiastes talks about in the Bible. It’s nothing our Creator can’t handle. “History merely repeats itself. It has all been done before. Nothing under the sun is truly new.” -Ecclesiastes 1:9 It feels as if evil reigns. That’s how it feels, but I want to remind you that this is not the end of the story.  Jesus says in John 16:33 “. . .In this world you will have tro...

The other day a friend mentioned something of my bravery when speaking about racism.  I had never considered that sharing my feelings was brave, but it made me wonder. Does what I’m sharing require bravery for others to do the same?  I realized that maybe it does. I also realized that many Christ-followers equate speaking truth about difficult or potentially controversial subjects with some kind of persecution.  We in the United States know nothing of persecution.  I don’t fear a person arguing with me, not liking me, unfollowing me, or believing what they choose to about me. I fear the words found in Matthew 7:21-23. “I never knew you. Depart from me.” How can we sit back and say nothing when God calls us to be peacemakers (Matthew 5:9)? I found an interesting breakdown that I’d like to share with you.  PeaceKEEPERS don’t want to be the cause of discomfort. They tend to view it as harmful and not beneficial. They often limit their self-expression because of thi...

“There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.” ‭‭1 John‬ ‭4:18‬  I’ve been contemplating this scripture.  Looking at this verse as well as the verses before and after it, I believe it’s saying that if you are in the Lord, and understand His perfect love for you, there is no reason to fear judgment or punishment when loving others the way we should.  How many times have we not loved someone/people enough to stand up for what’s right? How many times have we not said something when we should have? How many times have we held back our opinion because we didn’t want to be subjected to the judgment of others? We say we love this or that person, but have we shown that to be true? When I think of how much the Lord loves us—what He sacrificed so that one day we could live in His presence. . . I stand in awe. Why is it often so hard to give so little? It is time for us to look deep...

The other day we talked about empty vessels and the evil that often fills them. Today I’d like to share from the perspective of a person of color. First of all, one of my feelings that surprised me is that I have no anger toward that 18-year-old kid. I tried to find it. Shouldn’t I be mad and feel justifiable hate for someone who would have taken me out if he had the chance? Well, all I can see in him is evil. Yes, he chose what filled him up, but when I look at him along with many of the teenagers I work with each day, I see that he’s been bamboozled by people who should have cared enough for him not to hand him a burden so disastrously heavy as hate. Along with his actions came trauma. Trauma for the victims and their families, but also a trauma that Black Americans have tried to heal from for centuries.  I know it’s hard to understand. I didn’t understand it myself for a long time. Whenever people are killed for simply existing as they are, it creates an existential crisis for t...

It's been a while, so I must apologize for the absence from this blog. To catch up, you can find my thoughts through writing here:   https://www.facebook.com/christinacustodiospeaks I felt the need to make sure to communicate during a difficult time, and want to cover all the bases.  For the last few days, I’ve been thinking and praying about what to say concerning Buffalo. Maybe you have no desire to talk about it. I understand that. I don’t really want to either. But if you’ve been here for a while, you know this is where we lovingly work out Jesus stuff. Maybe you are not even sure what all there is to talk about.  Well, let’s figure this out together. I’m not ready to share all of my thoughts and feelings, but I would like to ask something of you before we discuss this further. Please do not stick your head in the sand when it comes to talking about such difficult things. Please ask God to open the eyes of your heart and allow you to see where and how you can be ...

Seeking the approval of other humans has been messing us up since the beginning of time. It can start when we are very young. If we don’t get what we need, it can become something we seek excessively. It often carries over into adulthood, presenting as very unhealthy habits. Sometimes we get ourselves in trouble because we’ve tried to impress others. Maybe it’s more house than we can afford, a less than authentic social media profile, gossiping about someone, doing something we’d never do if others weren’t watching. . . “Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.” -‭‭Galatians‬ ‭1:10 Many of us have dealt with rejection. Maybe it happened a long time ago. Perhaps it’s been more recent. Regardless of when it happened, it hurts and is difficult to get over. Regardless of where it comes from, it makes us question our value. It makes us shrink back. It’s hard t...

Once in a while, I need a pep talk which often leads me to give you one as well . There are many of you experiencing difficulties with humans. ;) You are trying to be the person God called you to be and are probably succeeding. But then someone comes along and makes you doubt it. They may even be sneaky about it. They make you think you are not good enough, or worthy. And for a moment you believe them. Let me remind you. You have been chosen. Walk in the truth of God’s word to you. No one else is supposed to understand your calling. It wasn’t a conference call. I’ve realized that there are people who do their best to tear down but aren’t even always aware they are doing so. They may believe or at least proclaim they are doing what’s right. Remember “...the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.” And sometimes he uses good people to do it. Remember who the real enemy is (and maybe remind me when I forget). I also want to remind you (as I also remind mysel...

ANOTHER REFLECTION FROM ABOUT ONE YEAR AFTER ISAIAH’S BRAIN SURGERY.  _____________________________________________________ I am weary. Many of you understand. You are weary too. You may not have a child with a brain injury, but you have a child with something else- or maybe it’s your spouse, parent, or friend. I know it’s my job as a mother, but can I get a raise? Vacation time? Sick leave? I am weary. Many things make me feel that way. Mostly, I haven’t learned how to juggle everything inside my “new normal.” If I’m really honest with myself, I haven’t fully accepted or embraced this new life. I guess the fact that I had to catch my breath while watching Isaiah put on his shoes with one hand the other day was a clue. My son only has “one hand.” He seems to have adjusted pretty well, but yesterday I felt sad as I watched him. Does he grieve his loss more than he lets on? Should we talk about it more? As time goes on, the knowledge that he cannot, and may never be able to do some t...

March is Brain Injury Awareness Month.  I found the following conversation from six years ago that may represent what many caretakers of brain injury patients go through or have been through. Maybe it will give you some insight into the aftermath of brain injuries. I also found this picture of Isaiah from that time six years ago. _____________________________ We were in the car when I told Isaiah he had lint in his hair. He never remembered to brush his hair, so it was a common issue. It made him mad. He told me I didn’t need to say that to him. What?! I explained that it wasn’t a criticism and I figured he’d want to know if he had something in his hair. That annoyed him even more! I told him that when I tell his Dad that HE has something on his face or something like that, he tells me THANK YOU. So, that’s probably what he should say too. He then explained that it’s okay for me to tell him that something is on his face, but not that there is lint in his hair. “What would you rathe...

Why do bad things happen to good people? Hardest question ever! I don’t have the answer, but I know God sees the whole picture. I read somewhere that “Pain awakens us to God.” I know my pain did. Sometimes our pain awakens us to God in a different way. Some of us become angry, wondering why He allowed “it” to happen to us. Why didn’t He answer my prayer the way I wanted Him to?  Remember the movie Bruce Almighty and the scene where Bruce (playing God) decided to answer everyone’s prayers exactly the way they wanted? The world ended up in total chaos. It just can’t be that way. We have to trust that God has it under control. Sucks for us sometimes, but makes sense in the grand scheme of the universe. He knows the right balance.  A reporter asked me once why I thought God saved Isaiah. How can answer that? My son is not any more special than my friend’s son who died of leukemia, or my friend’s wife who died of cancer, the husband who died of Covid, or so many who have lost babie...