Christina Speaks

More than one of you needs to know this today.  Maybe you’ve reached that breaking point. Maybe you have been broken for a while. Maybe you can’t seem to hear God’s voice anymore. Your circumstances may have changed, but your God hasn’t. Your Creator has not changed His mind about you. He loves you. He wants you. He has big plans for you. There are days when I am tired, feeling burnt out, and feeling like maybe I was wrong about what I felt God was calling me to do. There are days when I think I’m not good enough, or smart enough, or spiritual enough, or just plain not enough. Those are the days I must choose to focus on God’s voice guiding me through all of those doubts and fears. Satan is the best and most creative liar and he will do everything in his power to keep us from fulfilling our purpose. We must make up our minds not to fall into his trap of despair. Over the last year, it has been easier than ever to get caught up in his lies. Keep moving forward. Keep the faith. Keep stan

Hurt people often hurt people. Yesterday I had a friend bravely share some difficult things with me. She has been told she should feel shame for being born white. She and her husband have been mistreated in places across the country, and even spit on. She and some friends feel it’s becoming dangerous for white people in this country, and she wanted to share a different perspective.  I find it incredibly disheartening to know there are people who have been treated poorly, who then feel justified in treating others the same way.  That is not okay, does not solve anything, and it’s embarrassing.  For many centuries, a group of people as a whole has been disregarded, oppressed, and abused. That’s not to say no one else has suffered. I am not disregarding anyone else’s pain. Today I am writing about a large group of people I belong to. And yes, I know there are prominent, prosperous Black people in our country who have done well. I won’t go into a whole explanation of the roadblocks and dif

Yesterday I shared a quote from Brene’ Brown. She said, “In order to empathize with someone’s experience, you must be willing to believe them as they see it and not how you imagine their experience to be.” It may be one of the most profound thoughts I’ve heard in a while. As a woman of color, empathy is something I desire deeply. I read many comments and listen to many opinions on the black experience from people who have never had said experience. What I and many others desire, is for people to believe us. Believe our personal experience and the feelings that go along with that. No one can fully comprehend what it is like to be in another’s shoes. I think of men who make decisions for women based on their understanding of what it’s like to be a woman. I consider people who have never experienced sexual assault chime in on how someone who has been raped should feel or act. I ponder the many words of hurtful “consolation” given to women unable to bear children by those who have given bi

This weekend was full of some heavy things. Heavy things require heavy prayer. I recognized the need to approach God’s throne boldly. Did you know we can do that?   “So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most.”  ‭‭Hebrews‬ ‭4:16‬  Where I struggle (and maybe you do too), is when we have approached God boldly, but He doesn’t give us what we ask. He doesn’t heal our loved one. He doesn’t fix that broken relationship. Those things challenge our faith. Well, what’s most difficult to understand is that God sees the picture and knows what we need more than we do. Sometimes His mercy is what we thought it would be, and other times it looks totally different than we ever imagined.  Nevertheless, we can still be confident in our prayers while we pray for big things. Something I have found myself saying out loud is, “I anticipate the inevitable supernatural intervention of God.” That simply mean

“For he himself is our peace, who has made the two groups one and has destroyed the barrier, the dividing wall of hostility, by setting aside in his flesh the law with its commands and regulations. His purpose was to create in himself one new humanity out of the two, thus making peace, and in one body to reconcile both of them to God through the cross, by which he put to death their hostility.” ‭‭Ephesians‬ ‭2:14-16‬  Though this scripture is talking about the Jews and Gentiles, we can confidently assume it applies to all people. Since Christ came to save us all, we can apply this scripture to ourselves, though there are countless numbers of groups who divide themselves into separate categories.  I don’t necessarily think it’s a bad thing to identify with a specific group of people, but when we allow our identities to divide us, it becomes a problem. Diversity is beautiful. Even diversity of thought can be a beautiful thing. We can learn so much from each other. If we practice respondi

Yesterday I received a comment from a follower, and I feel compelled to address it with all who are willing to listen. I hope you all know when I share these thoughts and feelings, there is no anger or malice behind them. Just a strong desire to find ways to love each other better. Sometimes it takes difficult truths to do that. “Instead, we will speak the truth in love, growing in every way more and more like Christ, who is the head of his body, the church.” -‭‭Ephesians‬ ‭4:15‬  I know the issue of racism makes people uncomfortable, and it should. God never intended for us to live this way. So I hope we will work through this together and maybe we won't have to keep having the same conversation years from now. Yesterday I quoted Amos 5:24, and received a comment about my choice. They pointed out, if I read all of Amos 5, I can see it’s not about justice for us, it’s God’s justice. That too often we are worried about what we want, not what God is doing. They explained that God was

  Guilty.   The word evokes different types of emotion depending on what side of it one is on. “When justice is done, it is a joy to the righteous but terror to evildoers.” -Proverbs 21:15 Yesterday evening I found myself still at work, talking to some kids and a co-worker friend. After a while, we realized it was time for “the” verdict, so my friend found a news channel on her phone. We sat there with tears in our eyes, frazzled nerves, and hope in our hearts. Before they even began to speak, a tear found its way down my cheek. Either way, I knew it was going to be emotional for me. . . For us. Neither one of us could watch, so we just listened to the sound of the words that seemed to echo from her phone.  Derek Chauvin was found guilty on all counts.  We didn’t celebrate. We didn’t cheer. We were mostly silent except for the breath of relief that escaped from what seemed like the depths of our souls. We were quiet except for sniffles and stifled sobs coming from each of us. I looked

I live in the South. I have lived here for 18 years. I can hardly believe it’s been that long. 20 years ago, if you would have told me I would be living here I wouldn’t have believed you. Like so many people who don’t live in the South, I had a ton of preconceived ideas about it and its people. I am originally from California, and my husband is from New York. Those places couldn’t be any more different than they are from the South. I had preconceived ideas about who lived here. In fact, I still struggle to change some of those. If someone sounds a certain way, or is wears a certain thing, or drives a certain kind of vehicle, I often have opinions of who they “probably” are. Sometimes who I think they might be makes me feel unsafe. That’s not fair. That’s not right. I continue working to shift my thinking and change the biases that have been formed in my brain for so long. I realized one day, that if someone looks “unsafe” to me, I will often protect myself by either looking away from t

There are lots of scary things going on in the world right now. It’s hard to know where to go, and when to go there. Should I say yes or no? Stay or go? Move forward or step back? Speak or stay quiet? We have a lot of decisions to make daily. There are times when I have no idea what to do, and have a minor panic attack until I remember. . . . Oh yeah, I forgot to talk to my Heavenly Father about it. Once I have prayed about it I tend to find the wisdom and strength to do what I need to do. Recently, it has been to share my feelings on being a woman of color in a racially charged country. For a while, it felt easier and safer to sit back and remain silent. Besides, I already shared a ton a year ago. I mean, some of my thoughts were even published in a book. Didn’t I say enough? Maybe if I stay quiet, and live life blissfully ignorant of all that’s going on, I will be okay. Nope. That’s not safe either. I felt like I was going to implode within my swirling emotions. My heart was racing,

I had an internal debate about whether or not I should share these thoughts. If you know me at all virtually or in real life, you know I do my best not to be divisive. I don’t feel there is anything divisive about these feelings I have, but people will sometimes feel that way anyway. Let me preface this video by explaining how much respect I have for the police. They risk their lives every day and I am thankful they are willing to take on that role. That being said, their role comes with a higher accountability than most. This video is not putting all of the responsibility on the shoulders of the police. It goes much deeper than the police. I truly have no desire to continue discussing these matters, however, I can’t act like it’s not happening. We must combat this evil by embracing each other, standing together, and refusing to be a part of the problem by any loving means necessary. Before you watch, listen, or read anything that has to do with the racial unrest in our country, I beg

What a God thing to do. Stay close to the brokenhearted and crushed in spirit.  When I think about those I have known who have been brokenhearted and crushed in spirit, I remember they are often difficult to be around, especially when I can’t identify with their pain. They can be depressed, angry, or withdrawn.  I get it. I have felt the same way when I am in pain.  We often don’t know what to do, say, or feel when sitting with the brokenhearted. We may even try to explain it away, or tell them they are seeing or understanding things wrong. Maybe we tell them they need to move past it.  But what does God expect us to do? Well, what Psalms 34:18 suggests to me (if we are trying to be like the one who created us), is that we should be sitting with the brokenhearted. Stay close to them. Let them express their pain, bearing another’s burdens (Galatians 6:2). That means to come alongside one another. We can’t take it away, so allow them to share it. Help carry the weight by listening and be

It’s been a rough week. I have not felt well physically, but that’s okay, I will be fine.  Today I am thinking of another family in pain, mourning the loss of their son, their father, their friend. His name was Daunte Wright. I was naive enough to think maybe lessons had finally been learned.  I hoped. I still hope. . . though there remain parts of me, and parts of people who look like me, that are broken. I’m not sure we’ll ever be completely fixed, but we can still choose to share the beauty of our Creator. God help us. Am I scared for my son, for my brothers, for the black men in my life?  I am. I’ll tell you what. Not one of us should be subjected to any more of this trauma. However, through this trauma, through this ugliness, through this struggle, I believe God will work through me and you, to change the narrative. It’s hard to know what to do right? Well, speak up. Do not remain silent. Each one can teach one. See, and help others see that God made every one of us in His image.

Yesterday my daughter and I took a drive to the Blue Ridge Parkway. I’m so grateful to have such a beautiful area so near to where we live. (I took this picture in August the last time I was in the same exact spot.) As I drove through those mountains, then stopped to look over them, I was filled with awe, just as I am every single time I go there. I literally feel excitement when I look at them. My guess is, when you see majestic mountains, beautiful flowers, or even a newborn baby, you probably find yourself quite impressed with the workmanship. It took an incredibly mighty creator to craft such beautiful things right? Isn’t it amazing how we can believe God is big enough to create all of those incredible things, with such intricate details, but we find it hard to believe He can handle various situations we find ourselves in?  That doesn’t really make sense, does it? If He can create such complex things, He can certainly take care of all of our needs. It feels difficult to connect the

How do you deal with disappointment? It’s really tough for me to be on either side of it. One of the saddest things to hear from someone is “I’m disappointed in you.” Many of our parents said it to us as kids, and we would probably much rather them just be mad, than disappointed in us.  Where does disappointment come from? An article in Psychology Today says, “ As an emotion, researchers describe disappointment as a form of sadness —a feeling of loss, an uncomfortable space (or a painful gap) between our expectations and reality.”  When our kids disappoint us it can be painful. Most of the time we know what is best for them to live the best life, and when we find that gap between our expectations and reality, it makes us sad. It hurts… not so much for us. For them. I wonder if God feels the same way about us. He has a beautiful plan for our lives. A perfect plan. When we make the choice to do what we want because we think we know better, I’m guessing it makes Him sad. I’m sure He feels

I have intentionally been avoiding the news coverage on the Derek Chauvin trial. I was gutted last year when I saw the video of that police officer kneeling on George Floyd’s neck and watched the life leave his body. It was traumatizing. I am a mother of a black son, so when I hear or see stories like that, I cannot help but see my son’s face in place of the victim’s. It’s like a gut punch every time. So, as the trial began, I just pretended it wasn’t happening. I don’t know what the media is saying, I don’t know what my friends think, and my heart cannot take the pain. However, when I was sitting in the hospital yesterday, visiting my dad after surgery, I looked up at the TV screen and saw it. Ugh! The trial. I didn’t turn away. I thought maybe I would try to watch for a minute. Not long after my eyes hit the screen, I saw the footage. My stomach immediately began to hurt and I felt nauseous.  I still can’t do it. It still hurts. What I choose to focus on during these days, is how we